Jillian:
Here is a picture of the stein I painted at my cousin’s ceramic studio. Its my Dungeon Master Mug, and I use it when we play D&D. (Go ahead, feel the envy, its only natural.) ;)
A map of the kingdoms our Acolyte Campaign is based in. Right now we have entered the Kingdom of Bergheim (Nate’s PC Ender’s birthplace.)
(Copic Markers and Sepia Ink by Jillian Berg)
Nate:
Yoho me hearties! It’s adventure upon the high seas for our holy heroes! Yar I will do this whole email like a pirate ya land lubber! Nay, I’m not very good at it! Now walk the plank… um, skank!? Ok, that’s enough of that. First things first, we have to find an acceptable port to continue our quest. Sounds like my life story! On our way there we are thwarted by a sinister river! It rushes! It flushes! It has a million foot drop! Our inebriated elf Varas thinks it best to jump… And that’s all he saying on the matter… If your drunk elf friend jumps off a billion foot waterfall, would you do it? The acolytes say nope! The river is bridged with our trusty friend, Mr. Ice potion. If he continues his winning ways, he might be Sir Ice Potion soon! Our heroes cross the river despite a nasty case of slippery log… And I’m not talking about our trousers! We pull into port and find three ships willing to give us passage and one ship willing to give us passage to our most intimate pleasures! I guess Varas’ most intimate pleasure is stealing clipboards… glad one of us got our desires fulfilled >=(. After the debacle of Whore Ship 2011 our heroes have no choice but to take the middle ship. I’m sure everything will be fine and nothing bad will OH GOD ITS A KRAKEN WE’RE ALL GUNNA DIE! By drowning most likely =). The kraken wins the battle but loses the war as the acolytes and their new friend escape by row boat. But as things typically go, out of the kraken infested death trap, into the swampy, boggy, slaady marsh! The slaads prove no match for our mighty heroes, but they do however impregnate most of the team with lil demons before they are beaten. Aw, whose a cute lil demon baby? Who’s such a cute lil demon spawn? You are! You are! Ender, no stranger to strange diseases knows not to panic, OH GOD! GET IT OUT OF ME! FIND ME A MAGIC SEXY LADY AND GET IT OUT OF ME! So yeah… that’s about it. Next week, maybe we will catch that pesky caravan! Maybe we will get to talk to our fancy new friend some. If your lucky you might get ice cream, doubt it though..
Nate:
Mwahahahaha! Best idea ever! Instead of a recap for mac, since that is Jillian’s job, I’m going to do teasers! What horrendous fates await our villains? Some gargantuan monstrosity in the arena? Games of skill? Fire? Any of the panes could be true… Or none of them! That’s why its a teaser, you never know! You just have to show up to find out! 9:30pm at Jeremy’s house! Be there! OR GET NOTHING!
Nate:
Here you thought you wouldn’t see a terribly drawn recap since the recap master was DM. WELL SHAME ON YOU! After all, who better to tease and make fun of the DM than the DM? I know the subject material well! And I was left alone at the desk and bored last night… I’ll leave the actual recap to Jillian, just wanted to have some fun with paint! Enjoy!
M.A.C. Recap by Jillian
Confusing cooperation benefits those who are unknown to the source. Work it out on your own whilst being hindered or helped by your comrades at the determent of the group.
All this and some goblins happened as the MAC characters find themselves in four separate chambers. Unbeknownst to them, their actions within their own room affected those in a room apart!
What crazy mind games are you playing DM?!
Treadmills and water wheels, magic PIN pads and pitch black gropieness. Can anyone say “lab rats?”
Vayle, Kaze, Cohon and Halkad make it out of their weird cells and into the 8th (or 28th?) sub-basement of the temple. (Maybe it we are in a sunken office building and not a church?)
Once again the leadership of Vayle proves to be unfailing and wholly beneficial to the group (isn’t she due for a raise?) Yet more goblins are beat up, and even more obstacles are overcome.
Suddenly, solid stone reveals more than we bargained for as a new member of our group was disgorged from the dank water stained walls.
Enter “Sith” (insert StarWars joke here) the Shardmind Psion, Johnny from the movies’ newest character!
The group looks on in wonder as Sith fells his foes just as ruthlessly as they do. Soon the newest goblin horde is defeated, Vayle’s bloody body is revived, and we are on to the final leg of our journey!
The huge demon waits for us as he desiccates Halkad’s soul with his sharp teeth. The group prepares themselves for an epic battle and everyone is surprised when the demon snatches Halkad’s final soul away which causes his body to erupt into dust. Whoops there goes the bounty. Fortunately for Halkad, the demon realizes his error in consuming a kalashtar soul and quickly vomits up our mad friend…into the body of a captive cleric.
The fight is on!
In a vicious display of action point hoarding, the group teaches the now alarmed demon about true evil. In an effort to stem the violence against his person, the demon strikes a deal with the group: If we bring him innocent souls to feed his appetite, he shall help us recover our recently lost valuables.
The terms are acceptable, and the deal is sealed. However, nefarious plans and hidden agenda’s go hand and hand with demon pacts. Can our MAC characters get themselves out of this bargain intact? Or will the price of failure be their souls?
Nate:
Been awhile since we played some dnd. Thought I would show what the DnD characters were up to while we had real life stuff going on. Surprisingly similar… Anyways, I’m sad I won’t be playing my dark character until the summer. Sometimes I need to relieve a little stress (mostly caused by you two…) and running around in the shadows murdering my enemies is a good way to do that! I’m pretty sure we aren’t playing next week either, that makes it 4 weeks in a row 0_0. What did Jeremy say? One turn is approximately 5 seconds? It takes about a minute for us to do a turn in real life, so that means for every second that passes in the dnd world 12 seconds passes in ours. Its boring at work right now so I did the math on 4 weeks. 4 weeks = 28 days28 days = 672 hours672 hours = 40320 minutes40320 minutes = 2419200 secondsif 12 seconds pass in the real world for every dnd world second2419200 / 12 = 201600 dnd seconds201600 dnd seconds = 3360 dnd minutes3360 dnd minutes = 56 dnd hours56 dnd hours = 2.3 dnd days. So really, our characters sat around doing nothing for about 2.3 days. Which isn’t too bad, almost like we gave them the weekend off =). I like how Jeremy is all like, we got high level guys, I wanna play em and make it to level 11 blah blah blah etc. And then we don’t play for 4 weeks! I need to get a cheat bot to train my character while I’m away =S.Jillian:All that math makes you seem like a huge geek… just saying…
Nate:
Hey! We didn’t play DnD… There’s a big surprise! Now we don’t get to play for another two weeks… =(. I fully expect you guys to have some sweet-awesome campaigns written by the next time we play! Here’s how the recap goes for this week… Hey guys! What’s up!? Ready to play? OoOoOoOo TV! Yawn… snore… Well sweet, thanks for the pizza… THAT I BOUGHT! Anyways, enough violent ranting. I switched two Sundays for two Wednesdays with Racheline so I could go to my Dad’s last two football games this year… so we are totally boned for DnD for a couple weeks, at least this way we spare my heart the ever disappointing, “Sorry, X came up and I am preoccupied til Y, so I offer you Z in apology for my absence…” Where X is some sort of lame ass activity, Y is forever and Z is nothing! Man these recaps sure are short… WHEN THERES NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT! Have a nice day =D!
Jeremy:
Lol that’s awesome… I want some sequined greaves…
Jillian:
I want a sequined chest plate, I’ll dazzle the bad guys into submission!
Nate:
Yeah Yeah! I know! We were fighting spiders… Well sorry whiners! Drawing spiders is beyond my capabilities! Drawing Goaty almost killed me! Plus spiders can’t talk and that was a key component of the comedy of that strip… And I know we didn’t have a name for him so I chose Goaty! Creative, I know! I can’t believe we haven’t utilized Goaty until now! In one fight he did more damage than Ora and Ender did combined all night! He makes a pretty good mascot for our crew too! He isn’t normally a ferocious fighter; he’s a calm non-aggressive peaceful animal most of the time. But when evil threatens the world he leaps into action to defend the innocent! Just like the Acolytes! Now that we have 4 members, one of whom is summoned, we need an ultimate move that the 4 of us combine to do! We will always wait until we are nearly defeated then summon Goaty, and then get defeated some more, then pull out this desperation move to win just in the nick of time. Even though we could have used the ability to start the fight if we wanted to… For instance, I could imbue Varas with holy thunder, Ora could cast a rune on Goaty that changes him into some crazy armor or maybe a giant robot. Then Varas and Goaty become one and attack with the power we imbued them with to win! Anyways, I’m rambling on tangents. This week we fought a landshark! It was most likely the biggest and most ferocious beast we have ever defeated! It was no sweat! But Jill had anticipated that and made our next fight our toughest yet! We fought a small army of large spiders! It pushed us to the edge! Daily abilities weren’t enough! We needed… GOATY THE WONDER GOAT! Finally using the idol, and the funny poem =), Varas summoned his mighty goat! Goaty did some major work and helped us rescue some major babes! For that he will always have a soft spot in my heart! We enter the enemy’s stronghold next week! Finally after weeks of whores, goats, spiders and gnomes we have arrived at our first goal! Let’s hope there’s an epic battle and even epicer loot awaiting us next week!
Jeremy:
… When did Varas get like 3.5 feet tall?
Nate:
I know, I messed that up lol, pretend hes on his knees…
Jillian:
Goaty looks like a coffe table with a face…
Nate:
Well as promised, a bashing for Jeremy for causing us to miss DnD night. I swear you two! Get your priorities straight! And by straight I mean in line with mine! Well sounds like more acolytes next week. Get ready for ticks, stds and ugly prostitutes…
Jillian: We never contracted any STDs…
(Nate)
Oh noes! Look out! It’s the no DnD this week recap! Just when you thought it was safe to check your e-mail again… POW surprise recap! So we didn’t play this week because our vampire was watching the finale of true blood. Wonder why she decided to play a vampire… My next character, a Halfling football player… What’s the point of watching vampires on tv when you can be one on paper? Anyways, back to the Acolytes next week. Sigh, being a good guy is sooooo boring sometimes.
(Jillian)
So, we started our M.A.C campaign (Morally Ambiguous Characters) and Jeremy, being the lover of mystery had my character Vayle and Nate’s character Kaze (short for something Japanese) instructed to investigate a strange assurance in the wilderness. The only thing was that Vayle and Kaze did not know that we were both on the same mission.
So, here we have a comic of how Vayle met Kaze. The punch line is that Kaze’s “shroud of darkness” power is a burst and covers three squares. When we were playing and he invoked his shroud, I laughed and pointed out that hiding in a square of darkness in the middle of the day was not the best way to hide from me.
Adventure 9:
(Nate)
WELCOME TO THE 10TH WEEK-AVERSARY SPECIAL EDITION ISSUE! What’s special you ask? IT COSTS 10 DOLLARS A COPY! How will that money be collected since you are already reading it and haven’t been charged yet you wonder? NONE OF YOUR EFFING BUSINESS! SEND ME THE MONEY OR GET COVERED IN TICKS! Ticks? Is that the best you can do, you say? Yes… Sadly… Well it has been 10 weeks since that fateful night when we grouped up. Little did we know we were forming the most powerful super group adventuring company in our entire made up world! We’ve been through a lot together… hot blondes, bar fights, crazy game show obstacle courses and trippy dimension hopping. And through it all, we remembered the most important thing; nothing is more fun that rooting against your own teammates.
So on to what happened last night! No really, what did we do? I forgot… Um… There was something about a place… We had to go there… Some sort of quest… OH I REMEMBER NOW! We had to make our way back to Portlandia and collect our dough! We should have checked the classifieds first though! We might have seen: 4 Gnoll males, looking for wimpy rich people. Enjoy murdering, looting and long walks on the beach! Too bad our romantic little hyena people found 3 stout adventurers instead… who like candle lit dinners at the decapitated pony! Just when we had everything in hand a big forest guy jumps into the fray! What is this, professional wrestling? He certainly hit me with more than a chair! Fortunately for us, the silver tongued (Not named for public speaking if ya know what I mean *wink*) Pallly was there to talk him down. With the forest dude sitting on the sidelines waiting to pummel whoever won the battle, the adventurers quickly finished off the rest of the gnolls. BUT THAT’S WHERE THE PLOT THICKENS! Unthinkingly, Varas tramped through the dense brush of the forest for a sneak attack. But the real sneak attack was the ticks attaching themselves to his legs! What’s next? Lice if we don’t bathe every day? That really “Ticked” Varas off. Those ticks on his legs were like a “ticking” time bomb. His chances of survival were “ticking” off with each failed throw. Yes, I will stop. No, I don’t think it was very funny either… We somehow managed to survive the tick encounter and made it back to town to collect our loot. THEN WE SPENT THE REST OF OUR EPIC ADVENTURE in the library? But wait; there must have been something cool about it… OH YEAH! WE HUNG OUT WITH A… gnome? That’s not at all cool and really quite wimpy… What did we do next? Go for a walk through the park at dusk? THE FIRST CHALLENGE WAS A FLAME JET TRAP OF DOOM! But we disabled it before it hurt anything… THEN THERE WERE SPIDERS EVERYWHERE! KILLING! MAIMING! EATING YOUR INSIDES FIRST! Except… Varas kicked them all into the pits before they could do much… Then it was a simple water trap which we easily ALMOST DIED FROM!? What the heck… you need a thievery check to put a key in a lock? Guess we are all skilled thieves in real life; I put keys in locks all the time! It must have been hard for Jillian since from the beginning we were distrustful of our little gnome and wanted to kill/shake/abuse him at every turn. Little did we know *gasp* he was a bad guy just using us to get what he wanted. His little *snicker* friends showed up and we had a short *tee hee* battle that reached its height *lol* all too quickly. It was my all time favorite encounter though; nothing makes your day better like having every single one of your daily abilities and finding 4 little gnomes to unleash them all on. It was more like murder than a battle, one of them hit me once and despite them going invisible, we killed them all in about 3 turns. NEXT WEEK: no dnd? THE WEEK AFTER: PAX! THE WEEK AFTER THAT: EVIL CHARACTERS!? Here’s how the recap would have went this week if we had been playing evil characters, Varas tortures the gnome til he tells us what he knows, Ender slits his throat, the end…
